In Which Elle gets Very Scared of Going on a Mission and RDB Offers Advice
I just want to write and write this morning.
I was thinking about the way that God works his timing in our lives and about how there are different seasons for different things.
I was thinking about how ever since darling C.R. and I broke up in November, I have not felt like dating. I have definitely been attracted to people and wondered if they will ask me out, but I have not had the will to put the effort into dating that I did before that.
Soon after that, in December, my non-practicing Muslim friend Z said, "I think you should go on a mission."
Me, "Why?"
"Because I think you could help a lot of people. And also really because I want to write you letters."
That day I started thinking about going on a mission and I felt as I prayed about it that it would be a really good thing. I mostly felt a lot of peace and joy.
So I talked to my Bishop that evening.
Fast-forward to the beginning of February. I am sitting in my Stake President's office.
He says "Missions are hard. Will you promise me you will go for the full 18 months?"
I felt like I'd been hit with something. I felt like how Bro. Murray (a professor) just described his temple endowment as a young man— "Can I have more time to think about this!?"— I gulped and quickly said, "Yes." And hoped that Christ would make me equal to that.
Walking home, I felt scared and confused. Was this really what I was going to do?
President Wheeler had given me an article to read called "Becoming a Consecrated Missionary" by Tad Callister. After reading that, I was to text him and tell him whether I not I am willing to be a consecrated missionary. On my affirmative he would submit the papers.
So I read the article, surviving the steep goals it expressed with the mantra "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. There is now way I can do these things, but I do know from experience that, if anything, Christ can do these things through me."
And I tipped a little to the, for lack of a better term, "OCD" kind of Gospel living that I do sometimes. I spun my wheels about whether I was doing homework when I should have been serving, how much sugar I was eating, whether I was getting to bed on time, and whether I was following every prompting. This is a side-story though.
The Friday after the Tuesday Stake President interview, I knocked on RDB's door and sat down across from that Lion-of-the-Lord son of Judah. Puttering around the subject with a question about Adam and Eve, I finally said, "I've been having second thoughts about a mission."
Looking at me, he said, "Ok, yeah, missions are hard. And the great thing is, girls don't have to go." He told me a story of a girl in his stake who hadn't shown up the MTC and said, "If you're having second thoughts, don't go. Don't go unless you're all in."
I stared at him. Then I said, "Do you have any advice for how to make that decision."
"No. That's a matter of your heart."
He continued, much to my relief, "Well, like, if the perfect, priesthood-holding man walked into your life right now, would you marry him?"
Emphatically, I gave an affirmative.
... To be continued ...
I was thinking about the way that God works his timing in our lives and about how there are different seasons for different things.
I was thinking about how ever since darling C.R. and I broke up in November, I have not felt like dating. I have definitely been attracted to people and wondered if they will ask me out, but I have not had the will to put the effort into dating that I did before that.
Soon after that, in December, my non-practicing Muslim friend Z said, "I think you should go on a mission."
Me, "Why?"
"Because I think you could help a lot of people. And also really because I want to write you letters."
That day I started thinking about going on a mission and I felt as I prayed about it that it would be a really good thing. I mostly felt a lot of peace and joy.
So I talked to my Bishop that evening.
Fast-forward to the beginning of February. I am sitting in my Stake President's office.
He says "Missions are hard. Will you promise me you will go for the full 18 months?"
I felt like I'd been hit with something. I felt like how Bro. Murray (a professor) just described his temple endowment as a young man— "Can I have more time to think about this!?"— I gulped and quickly said, "Yes." And hoped that Christ would make me equal to that.
Walking home, I felt scared and confused. Was this really what I was going to do?
President Wheeler had given me an article to read called "Becoming a Consecrated Missionary" by Tad Callister. After reading that, I was to text him and tell him whether I not I am willing to be a consecrated missionary. On my affirmative he would submit the papers.
So I read the article, surviving the steep goals it expressed with the mantra "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. There is now way I can do these things, but I do know from experience that, if anything, Christ can do these things through me."
And I tipped a little to the, for lack of a better term, "OCD" kind of Gospel living that I do sometimes. I spun my wheels about whether I was doing homework when I should have been serving, how much sugar I was eating, whether I was getting to bed on time, and whether I was following every prompting. This is a side-story though.
The Friday after the Tuesday Stake President interview, I knocked on RDB's door and sat down across from that Lion-of-the-Lord son of Judah. Puttering around the subject with a question about Adam and Eve, I finally said, "I've been having second thoughts about a mission."
Looking at me, he said, "Ok, yeah, missions are hard. And the great thing is, girls don't have to go." He told me a story of a girl in his stake who hadn't shown up the MTC and said, "If you're having second thoughts, don't go. Don't go unless you're all in."
I stared at him. Then I said, "Do you have any advice for how to make that decision."
"No. That's a matter of your heart."
He continued, much to my relief, "Well, like, if the perfect, priesthood-holding man walked into your life right now, would you marry him?"
Emphatically, I gave an affirmative.
... To be continued ...
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